I have met a lot of people in the sober space but two of my favs would have to be Kathryn Elliott Founder of The Alcohol Mindset Coach and Van Nguyen Owner of NA Bottle shop Sip & Enjoy.

From the moment I met them both, they have made me feel comfortable and supported on my sober journey. I have said this many times, but the sober journey can be lonely which is why I find comfort in knowing there are other women who are in my corner.

With that being said, I would love for you to meet these amazing women at their upcoming Reduce Booze for Boobs event. These power women are tackling the topic of booze and breast cancer, by generating awareness and discussion about the research and facts that currently exist, in the hope that you will share what you learn with friends and family.

Guest speaker Kathryn will be sharing her inspiring story on how she survived breast cancer and how sobriety has continued to help her overcome some of life’s most hardest challenges.

20% of the ticket purchase goes towards BCNA. 
For anyone who like to donate to the cause, you may do so in the link.


Link Below:

Reduce Booze for Boobs

Event Details 

The Event includes:

· Drink on arrival from Sip & Enjoy, Melbourne’s first non-alcoholic beverage bottle shop

· Nibbles provided (vegan, gluten-free available)

· Ticket to event will automatically enter you into the draw to win a prize pack valued at over $200

Saturday 15th October 
2pm – 4pm 
Located: Sip & Enjoy Melbourne 1st Non Alcoholic Drinks Store

5 Ways to get your sobriety confidence back!

I could give you all the tips on how to deal with triggers, so you don’t drink but realistically some of us will slip up in our sobriety and by slip ups I mean we will consciously drink. Depending if you had a good or bad night on the booze your slip up could be a one-time thing or sometimes it can take us a while to get back to our sobriety. You may even catch yourself thinking maybe sobriety isn’t for me anymore, maybe I am just a drinker now.

I want to tell you something, just because you had a drink doesn’t make you are a drinker. The problem when people slip up is they start to question their sober identity and start to seek confirmation that they are a drinker now. We are our worst critics so of course it’s easier for our egos to protect us and say well you better be honest with yourself maybe you aren’t cut out to be sober if you can’t do it 100%.

This is called a cognitive distortion which is when we seek out information that is consistent with old beliefs and ignore information which is inconsistent to this. For example, yes you had a slip up but what about all the days, months, or years that you have been sober. We all know how much work it takes to be sober, so are you just going to not appreciate everything you worked on prior to your slip up.  A similar scenario you get all distinctions on your assignments at uni and then you fail an assignment, it doesn’t mean you fail the subject because the distinctions still make up a percentage of your whole mark and so does the fail. So my biggest advice to you is don’t get stuck in the labels and remember why you are on this journey, not because you can’t drink, it’s because you want to enjoy life!

So here are 5 tips to get your sobriety confidence back!

  1. Remember you are a non-drinker. If I was a vegan and ate Macca’s chicken nuggets as a one off, would you suddenly come at me for not being a vegan even though I am vegan for 90% of the time? No! So don’t define your sobriety by your slip up!

  2. Exercise and have a sauna. Often after a slip up we feel ashamed, vulnerable and stressed because alcohol increases our stress hormone cortisol. You need your clarity and good mental health back so do some high intensity training or any form of exercise because it will decrease your cortisol which will reduce your anxiety, depression and increase your resilience. If you are struggling to even move your body have a sauna because the excessive sweating will reduce your frustration and relax your body. Saunas also help the brain release euphoric hormones. You need all the happy hormones you can get right now!

  3. Embrace the sober journey offline. Whilst there are some amazing sober accounts, social media can trigger our stress hormones and remember you want to decrease your cortisol and an adrenaline entering your body. So instead listen to sober podcasts, read books or attend a sober workshop or meeting.

  4. Go for coffee with a sober friend. A friend who won’t judge you but understands the journey you are on. You want to feel empowered to get back on the sober journey and be able to discuss what triggered you to drink. There is power in feeling connected, validated, and respected. If you don’t have a friend, you feel comfortable with, book in a therapy session. I would recommend doing both! The more you talk about it, the more you will start changing your thought patterns.

  5. Have self-compassion. I know this is a classic tip but it’s true. You are human and humans aren’t perfect. We live in a world where alcohol is easily accessible and acceptable. It can get exhausting always trying to fight against something the whole world is doing. Remember that this journey is about progress not perfection, so consolidate a list of all your strengths and all the healing work you have done. Practise mindfulness and be present in knowing you are a beautiful powerful queen but sometimes even queens can’t control the challenges life throws at us. 

I triggered someone and this is what I learnt

Today I want to discuss Freud’s theory, the ego which is the only conscious part of the personality. It’s what the person is aware of when they think about themselves.

We all have an identity we have created for ourselves, and we project this identity onto others. 
When the identity is threatened, our body thinks we are in danger, so we go into survival mode. We start to try and fix the problem so our bodies can feel balanced again.

 I had an incident on the weekend where I knew I was irritating someone. This person was openly showing me I got on his nerves. He kept making negative remarks and rolled his eyes when I spoke. Even when he didn’t speak, I could feel his aggressive energy towards me.
Unfortunately, I was in a group space where I couldn’t leave. 

When I first heard his irritation towards me, I was annoyed. 
I wanted to shout at him. “How dare he treat me like that?”
I could feel my body pumping with adrenaline, I couldn’t focus and all I could think about was how annoying he was. He had threatened my ego, he had threatened my belief that I was a likeable person. 

Then my anger suddenly turned into sadness and I became submissive.
“I will just please him and stop talking. I am annoying and I should just be quiet”.
 Now this was the super ego speaking. The super ego is the part of the unconscious that is the voice of conscience (doing what is right) and the sources of self-criticism. It’s the part that controls your ego so you don’t behave inappropriately. My super ego is, telling me this has happened before; I annoyed my mum when I was younger, that’s why she didn’t want to live with me. I was annoying in primary school, that’s why I got bullied. My super ego was trying to tell my ego I am an annoying person so I should change my behaviour, so I keep this man happy.

This is where we have to remember our bodies are always searching for balance and it will make up whatever story it needs, to solve the problem. The super ego is  powerful and that’s why we easily fall into the people pleasing trap. We are convinced if we change our behaviours to meet the person’s needs, we will please our ego by being the likeable person. Except it doesn’t work, me quietening down and not participating in the group didn’t make this man like me.
He still only grunted when I tried to say goodbye.

 The only thing it did was trigger me and gave me resentment because I wasn’t able to be myself in the group. I had changed my personality to try and meet someone else’s needs but to be honest I didn’t even know what his needs were.
So I had created a story to try and restore my ego and super ego.

We live in a world where we are going to trigger people. I can could get triggered by you and you wouldn’t even know it. I could get trigged by the coffee man because he is wearing a Cologne that smells like my ex-boyfriend and it’s brought up some uneasy feelings. Though it’s not the coffee man’s fault, and him changing his Cologne doesn’t change the story behind the trigger.

  There was nothing I could do to change why this person was triggered by me because only he knows the story which activated the trigger. I can only control the stories I create and not feed the stories that serve me negatively.
This man wasn’t triggered because I was annoying, like the reason why I was bullied and left by my mother because I was annoying. I was just a child. These people have their stories and only the person has control of how they react and feel to a situation.

Love Mel xxx

How to learn real self-love

What I thought self-love was:

I was convinced self-love was when a guy confessed their love for me or when my mother was proud of me for losing 10kg. I thought self-love was the high after doing a line and revealing to everyone in the bar how important I was and denying all my shame. Except that self-love didn’t ever last and I would soon go from feeling like the most special woman in the world to thinking I was a stupid little girl.

What self-love really is:

I realised self-love is the opposite to what I thought…self-love is about accepting everything about yourself including your experiences. I remember when I put on 15kg and I was bullied for my weight. I soon lost it and made sure I deleted every single photo of me when I weighed more. It was easier to delete the memories and pretend I was never that weight than accept my experience.

We do that a lot when we don’t like our past, we try to pretend it never happened, but our experiences are a part of us even the ones that cause us pain. The truth is if we accept ur experience no-one can hurt us because we have owned it. 

Self-love also requires for you to know yourself better than anyone else. To be sure of your beliefs, what you like or dislike and have a strong sense of self. Your identity needs to be yours, not formed from beliefs others have installed in you. When you can back your choices 100%, your inner power can start creating the life you deserve.

How to learn real self-love:

Allow yourself the space to discover yourself again. When we drink, we use so much energy to recover from our hangovers, we don’t have the mental capacity to get past the barriers that are holding us back. You need the space to learn who you are without the blockages drinking can give us. 

Discover your values so you can be sure your beliefs are yours and not formed from external influences. 

Discover what is important to you in life and whether you are satisfied with these areas of your life. 

Set your intentions for the year and imagine what it feels like when you have achieved these.

Reflect on past experiences that have hurt you and write down your learnings from them. How have those experiences helped you be stronger?

Is socialising making you anxious?

What a weird couple of weeks hey? If you are feeling anxious, I totally get it. On the weekend I went to dinner, lunch, a party, and I felt weird during it all.

I thought my days of feeling socially awkward were over, but I think this lockdown has really screwed with me! 

At a party on Saturday, I was so tempted to have a tequila shot! I mean who would know if I just had one secret shot. Though the problem was I would know!

Then I remembered my decision to give up drinking wasn’t about anyone else it was about the anxiety I had with myself. It was about the guilt and shame knowing I could be so much more without alcohol, and I was holding myself back. 

So again, I played out that tape and realised my true self doesn’t want to have a drink. My true self wants to wake up fresh in the morning, do my assignment, go for a walk, and improve my mental health.

My biggest advice as we go back into socialising is patient with yourself and don’t think too far ahead. Just think about being sober in that moment.

Don’t think about Christmas, New Years and all the other festive events.

Just think about now and question yourself: Are you wanting to drink because you are feeling impulsive or uncomfortable?

If it’s a yes know that those feelings will pass and just accept them. It’s ok to feel uncomfortable because being uncomfortable is what facilitates growth. 

Remember when you first started that new job, it’s always awkward when you are the new person and must learn everything again. You just want to skip the first couple of months to the part where you know everything and everyone! Socialising sober is exactly the same, it won’t always be hard, but you do need to feel awkward at the start because it’s something new. 

What makes this time even harder is that most of us have come out of lock down, so we are trying to adjust to being around people again. It’s a double whammy but I promise you it will be worth it. 

When you wake up in the morning feeling fresh and empowered because you did the thing you said you were going to do, there is no better feeling. 

Love Mel xxx