Alcohol after a break

Alcohol I have been silent…I’ve been ignoring the conversation. You have re-entered my life and I’m still not sure on what capacity that is. Are we casual, can we just be friends or are we done?

Four months ago I decided to change myself. Even as I write this I know it’s a huge and rather dramatic statement but I had to be real. For years I have been waking up regretting my reckless decisions and living life to get through the hours rather then making the hours count. From the surface everything looked fine but occasionally I would break and it was the people close to me that had to pick up the pieces. Living this life can bring excitement and even insanely mind blowing moments. Though it’s the days in between that leave me feeling like i’m just going through the motions and could break any moment. These days make up the majority of life.

Recently I broke my booze free life and started moderately drinking socially again. There is a part of me that was disappointed in myself and there were days I thought I had failed. But then I realised how can I fail when my journey is still beginning. I’m still here living and trying to change myself every day. I gave up alcohol for three months and I am proud of myself because through that break I found out what I value in life, who I want to be and the standards I want to live up to. As quoted from Henry Ford Don’t find fault, find a remedy:anybody can complain.

The truth is right now I don’t know where I am at with my relationship with alcohol. I know how to differentiate myself drinking mindfully to drinking recklessly. Before I had the break from booze I had no idea of my actual intentions when drinking and now I realise I can’t drink when I’m stressed or seeking that rush of excitement/high because I’m bored or hyped up. I have continually lived life from one extreme to another, my personality hasn’t understood balance. Over the past few months I’ve introduced discipline into certain areas of my life from drinking, diet and exercise. I’ve had non-negotiable rituals and habits that have given me strength and resilience in my body and mind. Having this consistency in my life has given me integrity and confidence. My overall goal is to find a peaceful balance so I can consistently be that reliable friend, loving partner, influential boss and a happy me.

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